either way he was missing a nipple.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
