we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
