I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
