He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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