i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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