I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I want to walk on stilts...naked
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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