You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
