never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize