Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
