There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize