the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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