saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
