I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
