I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize