I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He better not be in your backpack
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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