I'm going to jail i love you
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
