I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
