Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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