Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
