Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
