I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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