she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I enjoy the company of your penis
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
