I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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