xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
In America we eat man semen.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
