Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
