your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
