The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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