i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
