Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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