she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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