The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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