Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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