My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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