no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
