please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
