A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
