On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
