I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
