You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
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I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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