ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
