when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Randomize
