I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
