so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
