i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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