so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
