Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
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If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.