12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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