Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(256): View more from Alabama

Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.

(1-256): View more from Alabama

That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.

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(256): Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload. (1-256): That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man. http://tfl.nu/ruio

Replies (41) Good night (2838) Bad night (830)
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(334): View more from Alabama

I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it

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(334): I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it http://tfl.nu/u4cv

Replies (14) Good night (5103) Bad night (1219)
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(914): View more from New York

shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness

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(914): shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness http://tfl.nu/7ruk

Replies (32) Good night (2173) Bad night (4851)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one

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(402): i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one http://tfl.nu/cpp8

Replies (15) Good night (4975) Bad night (1469)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.

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(920): sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself. http://tfl.nu/ur25

Replies (16) Good night (10394) Bad night (1267)
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(519): View more from Ontario

ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.

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(519): ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar. http://tfl.nu/yprb

Replies (5) Good night (2516) Bad night (1113)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later

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(717): check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later http://tfl.nu/adck

Replies (8) Good night (2621) Bad night (950)
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(208): View more from Idaho

My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with

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(208): My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with http://tfl.nu/1h68

Replies (5) Good night (1712) Bad night (753)
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(409): View more from Texas

i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.

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(409): i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes. http://tfl.nu/ajvi

Replies (3) Good night (1359) Bad night (683)
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(214): View more from Texas

Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life

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(214): Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life http://tfl.nu/rhcn

Replies (3) Good night (642) Bad night (1612)
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(917): View more from New York City

hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.

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(917): hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog. http://tfl.nu/99w0

Replies (9) Good night (2049) Bad night (747)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.

(1-803): View more from South Carolina

Am I going to be on condom boxes?

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(803): You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time. (1-803): Am I going to be on condom boxes? http://tfl.nu/pwx5

Replies (4) Good night (2391) Bad night (553)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.

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(317): Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices. http://tfl.nu/v5r6

Replies (3) Good night (1118) Bad night (567)
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(540): View more from Virginia

Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.

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(540): Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight. http://tfl.nu/pfpe

Replies (1) Good night (949) Bad night (317)
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(740): View more from Ohio

Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.

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(740): Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls. http://tfl.nu/nbbw

Replies (19) Good night (468) Bad night (1089)

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