She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you