Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him