I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved