he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now