On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
