Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize