So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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