I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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