i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
