I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
