Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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