Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
