I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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