this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
