My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
