did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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