Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
