Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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