Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
