After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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